I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
