we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
