oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
