forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
