My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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