we're blogging at a bar
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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