My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I AM VODKA MAN
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
