The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
