I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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