We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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