I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
3 2 1 whiskey
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
