I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need water and some morals
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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