So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
