I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They took my balls.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
