i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
