mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
