sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
