saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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