yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
