Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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