look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
