umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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