Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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