I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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