i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
