I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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