Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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