Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
whose parrot is this?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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