my vag is so smooth its legendary
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
