Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
