I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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