No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just had sex on a roof
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
