i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
