and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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