this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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