Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We need to get me chipped asap
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
