Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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