hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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