youre lurking in front of me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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