you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
