I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Small penises have feelings too.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
