I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
