he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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