Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
