I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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