you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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