I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
