Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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