Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
