Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
